Dr. Paul Dobransky and Paul Janka – Brothers
Archive : Dr. Paul Dobransky and Paul Janka – Brothers
Brothers: Advice and Wisdom You Never Got From
Your Father, Teachers, Mentors, Coaches, or Even Your Best Friends
It wasn’t long ago that I met another guy named Paul. He was a bit odd, but unknowingly humorous because he had a natural inclination to utter whatever came to mind, unedited, unweighed or measured, but – it seemed to me – from the heart. Except for his extraordinarily harsh honesty – which goes a long way in my book – he has no qualifications to educate or assist men in their conduct, love relationships, or personal progress. He was my age, a Harvard graduate, had traveled much, and had had a full life. In a business when image and reputation are everything, I didn’t care about his credentials – he was one of the few individuals I’d encountered who are actually free to express their views no matter who is listening.
In short, we became fast friends, and some of our open chats made me wonder what else guys are lacking in their life these days. Certainly, for roughly a generation, men’s dads have been less active in their lives, and the mainstream media has done nothing to further the advancement of men’s distinctive personal growth and love issues. Most conventional “advice” is gender neutral or substantially favors women’s empowerment…
…which, of course, is a good thing.
However, with nothing for males and just men, it disservices half of the human population.
Why Can’t We Do Without Brothers?
The more I got to know this Paul guy, the more questions he asked me about his personal life. He’d then take pieces of it and tell other men he knew about it. In exchange, he’d occasionally invite me to his city and show me the wild life he was used to seeing.
I pondered a lot about what had been lacking in my own life when I was younger, and one thing was always certain:
I’m the oldest of three brothers, and even while my own father wasn’t always around, many of the issues and difficulties I had as a child wouldn’t have been the sort I’d go to a father with.
I believe I’d always wanted for my own elder brother.
That would have been someone to go to for quick, honest advise, but he would have been my generation. He’d truly get me in the manner I’d always understood and tried to assist my own younger siblings.
At the same time, an older brother would not be needy or the kind to come to me for aid or counsel rather than coming from a place of being more of a giver. A person who had gone through it all a few years before me, blazed the path, and already had some good answers to pass on to me.
Unfortunately, I never had an elder brother. Instead, I had to constantly be the one to dive in first, get beaten up, learn some good lessons, and aid others who came after me (even my own brothers). It’s the next best thing for me, though, to ensure that any people I can discover who desperately need what I wish I’d had may benefit. Even one more person in my shoes would make what I went through feel less painful.
Even while he lured me out of that protective shell that prohibits some of us from really stating our most frank ideas, the “other Paul” would soon be getting some advise from me.
That very week, I met with my new friend and told him I’d like to bounce some ideas off of him – the raw, uncensored guy trying to make his own way in the world, and myself, the psychiatrist with the systems, methods, processes, and technology for men that I’ve been getting out to the world – it would be a one-time teaming up as Brothers of a sort, tackling all the tough questions that men would never feel comfortable asking a woman (like thei
A recent research, like many others published recently, claims that MEN, not women, suffer more emotionally as a result of relationship conflict and dating issues. That may surprise others, but it does not surprise me. That is supported by science. It’s just that guys are hardwired not to complain, beg for help, or even admit that they need to better at something.
Why?
Our biology is designed to make us feel LESS MASCULINE just for acknowledging we are challenged.
Men are clearly more challenged than ever before, even while women outperform them in academics, profession, and almost every other area except flatulence.
When we approach to our father with problems, he has to be a very understanding and successful man to assist us out and critique constructively, directing us to solutions. Many dads now face the same challenges that we experience as men, so what do they have to offer?
Female mentors and coaches may be even more hesitant to express problems for the reasons stated above.
Even men may feel competing with us or unknowingly “less than” for seeking assistance.
But, with a personal crisis, a BROTHER would be the ideal go-to guy. He’s grown up with us, knows us inside and out, is from our generation of social and professional obstacles, and even at the core – the genetic, biological level – has a built-in reflex to support us and see us WIN in life, as if it were his OWN.
BROTHERS are clearly on our side, on our team, and are in a position to aid us as men, completely WITHOUT SHAME if we ask for it.
What You Will Discover
I chose the 25 most common challenges that men face today – the most private, personal issues that can catch a man off guard, that a woman would often not understand or have the right words to help us through, and for which there are absolutely NO thoughtful, practical, politically incorrect-but-true, heartfelt answers that speak to today’s man’s most private, personal needs.
My raw, unplugged, unfiltered friend would be the ideal foil for exposing politically incorrect facts, so I began us off with the following questions:
-dating several women
-being a “alpha-male” -approaching a lady -how to “become a man” -boundaries and the “killing instinct” -breaking up with class -providing a climax to a woman
-how to deal with depression as a guy
-creating a vision for yourself -the significance of discipline as a man
-What exactly is femininity?
-challenges in fitness and grooming
-get the job you want and leave the one you don’t -the value of being calm -what is true leadership?
-How to Make Yourself Interesting -The Critical Importance of Negotiation Skills
-having a good influence in social gatherings -if a lady becomes pregnant -you can’t be a man until you take risks
-establishing a social network for oneself -handling STDs -achieving excellence as a guy
-passing examinations at work as well as with ladies
-gaining command of time management
I lead us through all of this and more in a lengthy, leisurely, and wildly entertaining discussion with my friend, and in the end, everyone who has had the opportunity to experience the program thus far gets the feeling that, yes, they DO have BROTHERS to go to with problems, but always always in a way that makes you a more powerful man, free of shame.
Finally, the most recent men’s movement is about coming together as a team of brothers to better ourselves, and the team as a whole, with respect, dignity, and not just a voice, but a masculine voice matched with deeds that truly construct a life.
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