Matthew Hussey – Dating Advice Programs
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Do you feel bad about ruining your relationship? Keep an eye on this.
Have you ever spent for hours pondering on something you might or could have done better in your relationship?
Something you said or did, or something you wish you had done more of?
If you are torturing yourself for any of these reasons, this video will save your life today. Believe me when I say it is necessary viewing…
When you fall in love with yourself, you never lose the love of your life.
One of the most terrifying ideas that individuals have is, “Will I ever meet the love of my life?”
“Did I just lose the love of my life?” is one of the most terrible thoughts that individuals have.
We run into someone. We fell madly in love. We want it to be successful. We’d give everything to see it function. Then we lose that person, or they threaten to leave, and our entire body and mind screams that we’re losing the thing that was meant for us.
“The right connection isn’t fragile,” is a term that I feel is highly significant in forming the prism through which you view your relationships.
I look at the scenario right now in the last several months, and the epidemic has resulted in an unusual amount of divorces in many nations, as we hear in the news. “Yes, this circumstance may have pushed individuals over the line,” I thought to myself. It has certainly produced an extreme scenario, and I have no doubt that even in the finest relationships, it will have raised the temperature of an argument or a quarrel at times. However, I do not think that the Coronavirus caused divorces. I feel it highlighted relational issues. I believe that three months in a room together does not destroy the appropriate relationship, even if such things were unconscious until two people were compelled to be together for that period of time.”
So, whether someone says they want to leave, are thinking about leaving, or have decided to leave, there are two factors to consider.
First and foremost, they are departing because they are incapable of dealing with difficult times in a relationship. You may be having an argument or disagreeing on something, but this does not have to be the end of your relationship. If someone abandons anything that may be rescued, it could be a sign that they are not the sort to go through terrible times with you. That is critical to understand right now. I believe it is better for someone to quit now if they lack staying strength, because that is many years you may have avoided. You don’t want someone to leave five years from now because it was the first time you had a difficult scenario or conversation. In that way, this year has been a gift for many couples because it has generated a pressure that has disclosed partnerships that should not have been revealed far earlier than they would have been otherwise. There are some couples that should have and did break up this year that may have taken another five years.
The second reason someone may be departing is that they believe you are fundamentally failing to satisfy their demands. This may not have been disclosed to you. In fact, the argument you just had may have been blown up into something so big and so severe that “that’s” why they’re leaving, but many, many people break up because the argument that preceded that moment became the ammunition that someone needed to end something that they had been thinking about ending for some time.
You could think that what I’m saying is a dreadful, horrible, heartbreaking notion. “Was I doing my best?” is the question you must ask yourself. “Have I given it my all?” If you answered yes, why would you want to spend time with someone whose wants you can’t fulfill even on your best day? Or someone whose wants you have to work so hard to meet? See, a relationship isn’t like Olympic gymnastics, when someone does a faultless three-minute performance on the mat and then tears themselves up because they didn’t exactly nail the landing at the conclusion of the routine, earning them an eight out of ten instead of a nine. A connection is genuine, human material.
Yes, it should be difficult. I don’t believe that finding the proper relationship is any easier than staying active and healthy. To create something great and keep it great over time, intentional effort is required. But it doesn’t imply you should be trying for a gold medal every day just to keep the relationship alive. Being with someone whose needs you don’t believe you can satisfy, or who you don’t believe you can meet consistently, is a creeping type of agony that will destroy your confidence until you forget who you were.
And, by the way, even as I write this, there may be a part of you that thinks, “But I didn’t do my best. I made a mistake. There were moments when I acted terribly, when I was too envious, when I was too needy, when I was too desperate, when I asked too many questions, when I was too demanding, when I didn’t make that person’s life easier.” This may be a difficult philosophical idea to explain in a short movie, but I believe we are even too hard on ourselves when we consider how much better we might have done. I believe there is an idealized notion of how much better we might have done it. That we think, “Oh, I could have been doing this and I could have been doing that. And I could have phrased it that way.” We have all these fantasies about ourselves, a dream version of yourself who would have retained that person. But, even if what you were doing wasn’t objectively the best you could do, it may have been the best you could do at the moment. With your resources, your present wounds, the issues you’re dealing with inside, and the information you had at the time. Perhaps it was your best effort at the time. Maybe it’s not your best a year from now, five years from now, or ten years from now, but maybe you did your best, even if you feel it fell short. That is typical.
So, when you’re tormenting yourself over something you could have done or said differently, realize that the image you have in your brain of what you could have been at that time is just hypothetical. It is true that we may grow in any connection. True, your prior relationship will enable you to bring a wiser you to the table in the next one. But keep this in mind the next time your mind is laser-focused on anything you believe you did wrong: the proper connection is not fragile.
Please realize that the hard work that we perform in a film like this is really vital before you leave today. I enjoy the films when I get to share a fun, practical thing you can say or write to someone, a strategy that works. But this type of in-depth effort is critical to make our love lives function. It is critical to the success of any of our relationships in life. If you want to engage more in the deeper side of internal conflicts, the ways you beat yourself up, the ways you don’t allow yourself to feel good about yourself, move on, or be confident, my Retreat program is where I conduct the most in-depth work with folks on what’s going on inside. If you want to come and see for yourself, we now offer an At-Home version that you may do instead of attending a live Retreat. You may do it from wherever you are right now, at home. I’ll leave a link here for you to check out, and thank you for watching.
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