IN10SE – Speed Rapport Course
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IN10SE TEXT – SPEED RAPPORT WORKBOOK – PATTERNS AND THEMES
Copyright: Social Mastery, 2007. The reproduction, adaptation, distribution, public performance, or public display of this Manuscript or excerpts thereof, such as posting this Manuscript or excerpts thereof to a web page or email, are violations of the Copyright Act of 1976, as amended, and would constitute separate violations of law, resulting in liability for compensatory and/or statutory damages of up to $150,000 per infringement. 2 Relationship Themes 17 USC 504(2) Relationship topics are excellent discussion tools that may swiftly transfer you from the surface to the social and deeper personal levels. I’ve included some of my favorite topics. Feel free to add your own thoughts and personalize these themes to match your personality and taste! Best wishes, IN10SE Copyright: Social Mastery, 2007. The reproduction, adaptation, distribution, public performance, or public display of this Manuscript or excerpts thereof, such as posting this Manuscript or excerpts thereof to a web page or email, are violations of the Copyright Act of 1976, as amended, and would constitute separate violations of law, resulting in liability for compensatory and/or statutory damages of up to $150,000 per infringement. Section 504(2) of the United States Code Have you ever noticed how in a relationship, everything is intense and thrilling at first, but as time passes, that sense of adventure is sometimes replaced with a sense of security and comfort? Not that this is a negative thing. I was thinking about how everyone concentrates on the petals of a rose and how beautiful it is, how it smells, how it appears, and how it makes you feel when you look at it. Then, if you stare at this flower long enough, you will see the stem and the thorns, and you will know that it is the stem that provides life to the bloom by bringing up nutrients and water and sustaining it. Everyone appears to focus on the early romance, intensity, and attraction in relationships, but the longer you are with this person, the more you realize that it is also the intimacy, comfort, and deep degree of connection that keeps this thrill and passion alive. The same as a Red Rose Copyright: Social Mastery, 2007. The reproduction, adaptation, distribution, public performance, or public display of this Manuscript or excerpts thereof, such as posting this Manuscript or excerpts thereof to a web page or email, are violations of the Copyright Act of 1976, as amended, and would constitute separate violations of law, resulting in liability for compensatory and/or statutory damages of up to $150,000 per infringement. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) 4 The lender I was chatting to an old family friend who was telling me about how he and his wife were getting set to celebrate their 50th anniversary. I asked him what the key was to his relationship lasting so long. He explained to me, A relationship is like a bank account: the more time you spend together, the more money you deposit. The more time you spend with the individual, the more money you save. Things you share, such as experiences, interests, similarities, and values, all contribute to the relationship bank. When you quarrel, you withdraw money from the bank. Negative events drain money from the bank, and when the balance falls below a particular threshold, the relationship ends. So reserve your disagreements for the important issues, look past the minor details, and cherish every minute you have together. Copyright: Social Mastery, 2007. The reproduction, adaptation, distribution, public performance, or public display of this Manuscript or excerpts thereof, such as posting this Manuscript or excerpts thereof to a web page or email, are violations of the Copyright Act of 1976, as amended, and would constitute separate violations of law, resulting in liability for compensatory and/or statutory damages of up to $150,000 per infringement. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) (2) 5 The Energy Relationship Do you feel there is a profound, almost psychic connection when you are emotionally connected to someone? I was reading about how certain civilizations thought that we were actually connected to the ones we love by energy strands. These are like electromagnetic connections that get stronger as the relationship deepens and two individuals become emotionally closer. When you connect with someone in this way, when you think about them, you physically send forth emotional energy through the link, which they might pick up on. Have you ever had someone you felt close to contact you practically out of nowhere just after you were thinking about them? Perhaps it was this relationship. Copyright: Social Mastery, 2007. The reproduction, adaptation, distribution, public performance, or public display of this Manuscript or excerpts thereof, such as posting this Manuscript or excerpts thereof to a web page or email, are violations of the Copyright Act of 1976, as amended, and would constitute separate violations of law, resulting in liability for compensatory and/or statutory damages of up to $150,000 per infringement. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) (2) 6 The Three Minds Have you ever observed how you could want something or someone on one level, such as physically, but you know rationally it won’t work? Or have you ever experienced the sensation of feeling emotionally attached to someone but not physically attracted to them? So I was reading this fascinating book about the three brains we all have and how each of these brains has its own agenda, interests, and requirements. The Reptilian brain is where all of your fundamental desires originate. This is the most primordial area of the brain and the source of instinct. This portion of your brain has its own mind and will frequently demand its wishes to be satisfied at any cost. This part of your brain craves excitement and adventure. The limbic brain is the emotional brain. This is the portion of your brain that stores memories and emotions. This region of your brain desires stability and comfort. And it’s amazing how you require comfort and security, which eventually implies certainty, yet your physical brain craves adventure and excitement, which ultimately means uncertainty. Copyright: Social Mastery, 2007. The reproduction, adaptation, distribution, public performance, or public display of this Manuscript or excerpts thereof, such as posting this Manuscript or excerpts thereof to a web page or email, are violations of the Copyright Act of 1976, as amended, and would constitute separate violations of law, resulting in liability for compensatory and/or statutory damages of up to $150,000 per infringement. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) (2) 7 The Neocortex, or reasoning brain, comes next. This is the analytical part of you that always reasons things through by seeking to step outside of bodily and emotional stimuli, thereby overriding the reptilian and emotional brains by viewing things from a detached, analytical perspective. But we can’t stay separate forever, and we eventually succumb to the effects of either our primitive physical brain or our emotional limbic brain. People are most at peace with themselves, in my opinion, when they can come to terms with and embrace every aspect of themselves, such that all of these parts agree and want the same things. Copyright: Social Mastery, 2007. The reproduction, adaptation, distribution, public performance, or public display of this Manuscript or excerpts thereof, such as posting this Manuscript or excerpts thereof to a web page or email, are violations of the Copyright Act of 1976, as amended, and would constitute separate violations of law, resulting in liability for compensatory and/or statutory damages of up to $150,000 per infringement. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) (2) 8 The Nice Guy vs. the Jerk Have you ever noticed how certain girls appear to be drawn to bad boy jerks? I believe this is because they confuse arrogance with confidence and self-centeredness with self-esteem. He just cares about what HE wants. On the opposite end of the spectrum is the teddy bear kind man, who appears spineless and only wants to do what you want. He appears to be just concerned with what YOU desire. That is also something that no woman desires. So, in my opinion, the IDEAL guy is the one who has the courage to know what HE WANT and how to GET IT while also being sensitive enough to know what YOU WANT and how to GIVE IT TO YOU. Copyright: Social Mastery, 2007. The reproduction, adaptation, distribution, public performance, or public display of this Manuscript or excerpts thereof, such as posting this Manuscript or excerpts thereof to a web page or email, are violations of the Copyright Act of 1976, as amended, and would constitute separate violations of law, resulting in liability for compensatory and/or statutory damages of up to $150,000 per infringement. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) 9 Passion So, what is it that you are PASSIONATE about? You know that passion is derived from the Greek word for abandonment, which means that you are entirely immersed in this moment, giving yourself over to anything, whether it is something you do or someone you are with. And it is at these moments that we learn the most about life, love, and ourselves because we give of ourselves entirely. Copyright: Social Mastery, 2007. The reproduction, adaptation, distribution, public performance, or public display of this Manuscript or excerpts thereof, such as posting this Manuscript or excerpts thereof to a web page or email, are violations of the Copyright Act of 1976, as amended, and would constitute separate violations of law, resulting in liability for compensatory and/or statutory damages of up to $150,000 per infringement. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) (2) 10 The Purple Purse (This is a great script for Identity work) Sometimes we are unsure of who we truly are. We believe that we are our jobs or the roles we play in our lives. Perhaps you’ve identified many factors that have been interfering with your relationships. Take advantage of this opportunity to broaden your horizons. Enter into a
position that is comfortable Consider a huge clear plastic bag in front of you. As you examine the bag, take note of several features, particularly the clarity with which you can see through the bag to the interior. This bag’s contents are readily visible. The color within the bag is immediately noticeable, a gorgeous purple swirling hue gently flowing around in the bag, almost iridescent. For a few period, see the purple light gently whirling inside the bag. There are certain items you may put in the bag if you like. Some thoughts on yourself, your ideas, your struggles, your hopes… Begin by placing your name in the bag, along with all it means to you…what it says about you…how it feels to have this name. Look at how it swirls in the purple light. Put your clothing, your favorite outfit, and your full wardrobe in the bag. Put your haircut and cosmetics in the bag and observe what it says about you, what type of statement it makes, and what it signifies about you. Watch it all gently swirl in the bag… take note of what’s significant to you… Fill the sack with your furnishings…. your complete house… everything. Take note of all you own, drifting in the purple mist. Put your automobile in the bag… what it says about you… what you’re trying to communicate Copyright: Social Mastery, 2007. The reproduction, adaptation, distribution, public performance, or public display of this Manuscript or excerpts thereof, such as posting this Manuscript or excerpts thereof to a web page or email, are violations of the Copyright Act of 1976, as amended, and would constitute separate violations of law, resulting in liability for compensatory and/or statutory damages of up to $150,000 per infringement. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) (2) 11 facts about yourself… Now put your phone in the bag… all of your possessions in the bag… your job in the bag… and all those ideas that you are what you do… put in the bag – your mind… and with it that little voice in the back of your mind that is always telling you what to think and what to do… put in the bag your beliefs… all of your beliefs about money… men… women…sex… your sex organs… beliefs Put in the bag all of your ideas and concerns about death and loneliness… Put in the bag your mother… and all of your ideas and thoughts about her… Put in the bag your father…. Put your sisters, brothers, grandparents, husband or wife, children, friends, and anybody else you’ve ever injured in the sack… Put all of your complaints… everything you’ve ever grumbled about… in the bag… All of your judgements… in the bag… Put in the bag those persons and things you thought were good – terrible – right – wrong – your desire to always be right your ideas, thoughts about what you have and have not done opinions about failure … reputation… things you’ve done wrong… rules you’ve broken… disputes you’ve placed in the bag – all the commitments you didn’t keep… all the connections you’ve left… Copyright: Social Mastery, 2007. The reproduction, adaptation, distribution, public performance, or public display of this Manuscript or excerpts thereof, such as posting this Manuscript or excerpts thereof to a web page or email, are violations of the Copyright Act of 1976, as amended, and would constitute separate violations of law, resulting in liability for compensatory and/or statutory damages of up to $150,000 per infringement. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) (2) 12 all the relationships that left you… put in the bag… opinions others have about you… opinions your parents had about what they wanted you to be… what your friends wanted you to be… what your boss wanted you to be… put in the bag… what your enemies think of you… your characteristics, habits, addictions… your resistance… put it all in the bag, and just watch it all swirling and moving…. place in the bag your urge to be argumentative… or revengeful…. your need to be alone…. your want not to reveal the truth… your desire not to face others… placed in the bag… your resistance to allow others educate you your reluctance to empower others Put all of your concerns in the bag… your need to explain what you do wrong, your excuses for being who you are. Put all of your current issues here. IN THE BAG… all of those aspects of yourself spinning in the purple hazy light… Look around and place everything you may have forgotten in the bag. Put everything about you in there… everything that is you is in the bag. Now put your current clothing in the bag… Now place your nude body into the bag… see everything that is you… within the bag, all spinning around in the bag, with the purple light… However, you are NOT in the bag. Copyright: Social Mastery, 2007. The reproduction, adaptation, distribution, public performance, or public display of this Manuscript or excerpts thereof, such as posting this Manuscript or excerpts thereof to a web page or email, are violations of the Copyright Act of 1976, as amended, and would constitute separate violations of law, resulting in liability for compensatory and/or statutory damages of up to $150,000 per infringement. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) (2) 13 You are the one who is staring at the bag. Everything in that bag was made by you to help you experience yourself. ANYTHING in the bag can be kept or thrown out. YOU HAVE A CHOICE… It is YOUR decision… It’s not you… it’s not who’s in the bag… it’s not the THINGS in the bag. YOU’RE THE ONE LOOKING AT THE BAG. Now you have the option to retain everything you want… In a minute, you will give the bag a huge kick… you will send that bag far away from here… and let it go… Ready?… now when I count to three… give it a strong kick… so hard that it goes flying out into the outer regions of the cosmos… ready? … one… two… three…. and watch it go, farther and farther away… till it becomes a little speck in the distance, so small that it is completely gone… simply gone… Copyright: Social Mastery, 2007. The reproduction, adaptation, distribution, public performance, or public display of this Manuscript or excerpts thereof, such as posting this Manuscript or excerpts thereof to a web page or email, are violations of the Copyright Act of 1976, as amended, and would constitute separate violations of law, resulting in liability for compensatory and/or statutory damages of up to $150,000 per infringement. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) (2) 14 Pattern of the Shadow and the Rising Sun I was thinking about opposites the other day…about the Yin and Yang concept…about hot and cold…black and white…light and darkness. And how opposites truly are the same thing…just different degrees on the same spectrum…of possibilities…and how one is defined in reference to the other…and how there are no absolutes. Then I remembered something a Psychologist friend of mine had said… She stated, “I need to go feed my shadow,” and I wasn’t sure what she meant until I read something by Jung. Everyone, he added, has a Shadow…a dark side…a region of forbidden passions. This is the part of you that you keep hidden from the rest of the world…maybe even from yourself…where you can experience and imagine those…thoughts…the things that you don’t want anyone to ever find out that you long for and dream about…where you want to experience all the excitement of this moment…to let go of all the things that had been holding you back before…to just let go… and enjoy everything that life has to offer… He thought the Shadow was a wonderful thing since it provided balance. This feeling of balance is critical because whatever you repress develops and tends to spill over into other areas of your life. If your darkness is suppressed, it will grow and develop…until it fully consumes you. Jung compared it to the Rising Copyright 2007 by Social Mastery. The reproduction, adaptation, distribution, public performance, or public display of this Manuscript or excerpts thereof, such as posting this Manuscript or excerpts thereof to a web page or email, are violations of the Copyright Act of 1976, as amended, and would constitute separate violations of law, resulting in liability for compensatory and/or statutory damages of up to $150,000 per infringement. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) (2) 15 Sun… because as the Sun rises in the sky in the morning… it gets higher and higher… closer and closer to the highest point in its path (midlife)…until at mid-day it completely changes polarity… and everything that was once true has now changed…and now the opposite is true… and the sun sets. This was the idea. behind mid-life crisis. (I usually anchor the rising sun’s path with my hand) It’s as if the more you try to deny your shadow, the more intense it becomes…and the more intense your shadow becomes, the more you feel that underlying tension growing within you for it to just come out…until one day it completely takes over. So having a sense of balance is a wonderful thing. What if you could go into your shadow right now and observe the world through your shadow’s eyes? What does that tell about the person you are today vs the person you were before? What does this shadow want and desire the most right now? What do you want to do right now? Copyright: Social Mastery, 2007. The reproduction, adaptation, distribution, public performance, or public display of this Manuscript or excerpts thereof, such as posting this Manuscript or excerpts thereof to a web page or email, are violations of the Copyright Act of 1976, as amended, and would constitute separate violations of law, resulting in liability for compensatory and/or statutory damages of up to $150,000 per infringement. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) 16 Deep Relationship Builder I’ve developed a new theory regarding all relationships and what constitutes the perfect one. First and foremost, you must be passionate. This is where you have physical chemistry with this person, where you feel drawn to this person, where you may even feel a warm feeling right here in your stomach and it may spread all over your body when you’re with this person, where you can lose track of time and give yourself completely to this experience. Intimacy is the next requirement. This is where you experience an emotional connection with this person, as if you’ve known them before, as if you were always intended to know them, and where you feel fully comfortable and close, and you may feel it right here in your heart. Then you require Commitment. Philosophers have described this as a feeling of obligation in which you feel safe, knowing that this is someone who is here for you, that we both chose to be with, and that you can envision yourself with now and in the future. All relationships are now built on various degrees of each of these factors. For example, if you only have desire but no closeness or commitment, this is referred to as physical infatuation. Something akin to a one-night stand, nothing more, nothing less If you have only closeness but no passion or commitment, you are only pals. And we’ve all got them. Copyright: Social Mastery, 2007. The reproduction, adaptation, distribution, public performance, or public display of this Manuscript or excerpts thereof, such as posting this Manuscript or excerpts thereof to a web page or email, are violations of the Copyright Act of 1976, as amended, and would constitute separate violations of law, resulting in liability for compensatory and/or statutory damages of up to $150,000 per infringement. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) 17 If you just have commitment but no passion or intimacy, you have an empty relationship. So sad, like a lot of married individuals out there. You may enjoy passion and closeness without committing. This is a Romantic affair, and perhaps the awareness that it is now or never, or that you have no promises about, intensifies the intensity and closeness. And you may have both passion and commitment while lacking intimacy. That is similar to folks who stay together because they enjoy the sex. You may have closeness and commitment without having passion. That’s like granny and grandpa getting together for company but can’t remember the last time they did it. And, of course, the ideal, like everything else, is about balance, where you can have just the appropriate amount of passion, closeness, and commitment. Now that I think about it, an extra little bit more passion would be wonderful, what do you think? Copyright: Social Mastery, 2007. The reproduction, adaptation, distribution, public performance, or public display of this Manuscript or excerpts thereof, such as posting this Manuscript or excerpts thereof to a web page or email, are violations of the Copyright Act of 1976, as amended, and would constitute separate violations of law, resulting in liability for compensatory and/or statutory damages of up to $150,000 per infringement. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) 18 Conclusion These are a handful of my favorite topics. Consider all you learnt in the Speed Rapport book, from levels of connection to physical and emotional kinds, and so on. All of these things might be themes. Create your own topics and study relationships. Personal experience is frequently the best teacher, but you may tune into and focus on your experiences by learning everything you can about them. Read literature, understand how popular culture shapes us, and most importantly, be open to building and strengthening new and existing connections. Best wishes, IN10SE
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